He Ain't Heavy, Even Though We Are Not Brothers Anymore
by Callisto-HK
Summary: He didn't care; not anymore. It didn't matter if Sam accused him of being selfish; he'd keep doing what he'd always done, because it was the right thing to do. After all, throughout his life, he'd always lost people and things... Not even once had he gained something in return for what he'd done for the others. /*Spoiler Alert* - Dean-centric- /Set after 9x15./ Rated T for language
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N:** Yet another short fiction about the last few episodes of the show. I just had to get it out of my system and I know some of you wanted me to add some chapters to my other story, 'Changed for Good', but the truth is the more I think about it, the more I realize that there's just no way to fix things like nothing has happened. So, instead, here's another story related to the pain in Dean's eyes that has been hurting us all and again, it's wishful thinking on my part.  
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_This is, at most, a three chapter story and, no need to say, **Dean-centric**. _

_Also **if you haven't watched the latest episodes and wanna stay spoiler-free, then you should turn around and forget about this story.**_

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_I hope you enjoy reading this and let me know what you think._

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**. He Ain't Heavy, Even Though We Are Not Brothers Anymore .**

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"SAAAAAM." Dean's terrified shout echoed in the field as Sam landed heavily on his left side and moments later lost consciousness.

The yell didn't keep Sam from being thrown away by the monster, but at least it caught the monster's attention as it turned away from Sam and walked towards Dean again.

Panting heavily, Dean pushed his sore body up and pulled himself towards the heavy sword which had previously landed a few feet away. Just as his fingers touched its hilt and curled around it, he was once again airborne and before he knew it, he hit another tree before ending up on the ground.

The monster roared angrily and walked heavily towards him, looking so determined like he was going to make sure this was Dean's last minute on the earth.

Taking as deep a breath as he could, Dean dodged from under the monster's foot and waved the sword and brought it down on the hideous monster's arm, cutting it off instantly. The roar that left the thing's lips, literally, shook Dean with its force and once again Dean lost his balance and fell on his back. Turning his head towards where Sam had fallen earlier, he risked a glance to check on the younger hunter before looking back at his adversary.

The monster seemed to be retreating and staggering towards the woods, but Dean being the stubborn, hard-headed man he was, wasn't about to let the thing to find a way to recuperate. Even with one arm, it probably could bring down a whole town if they weren't ready to deal with it and since they'd irritated that thing beyond any words, it could kill some innocent people on the way back to its lair.

So, once again ignoring his own injuries and the agony that he was feeling, Dean yelled after the beast.

"Hey. You fugly Son of a Bitch. Where do you think you're going?"

He pushed himself up and, strangely enough, felt a newfound strength in his body as he leaped at the monster. In a smooth motion, he waved the sword again and taking the monster by surprise, he beheaded it in one move.

Feeling that the mission was finally fulfilled, Dean staggered back and lost his balance and the last thing he saw before succumbing to the darkness, was the sun which was coming out from behind the clouds.

...

Usually, in the stories and movies, when the heroes lose consciousness, they wake up in the hospital, disoriented but pain-free. Dean, though, could proudly announce that he'd _never,_ _ever_ followed the prototype in his life and this time wasn't an exception.

When he woke up next, he was still in the exact same position that he'd been before losing consciousness; the only difference was that the sun was nowhere to be found and rain was pouring down on him.

His whole body was sore and when he tried to list his injuries, his brain did nothing to help him. Finally giving up on that task, he closed his eyes one more time only for them to snap open when he remembered that Sam had been there with him.

Adrenaline rushed into his veins and he found himself standing and running towards Sam in a matter of seconds.

Once by Sam's side, he first checked for a pulse and since it was strong and steady, he checked for other injuries. The only visible thing was the open fracture of his left leg which would've been disturbing if he hadn't dealt many worse things in the past.

Dean was concerned since the younger man hadn't woken up yet and started to call his name. "Sam? Come on, man. Open your eyes."

He checked his watch and realized that it couldn't have been that long past the time that he'd killed the monster,_ -which thankfully was still very much dead-_. So, Sam being still out cold wasn't necessarily alarming.

Calling Sam's name again, he softly tapped his face.

There was still no answer from Sam and that started to worry Dean beyond everything. Long time or not, not showing any sort of response wasn't a good sign. Calculation their position and chances, he knew that with no cell reception, he had to leave to get them some help, but he couldn't leave Sam there. That was leaving him with only one other option and that was to carry Sam to the Impala.

Taking a deep breath, he winced when his ribs protested. He knew that he probably had a couple of cracked ribs, and one was broken for sure. His head was bleeding sluggishly and both his arms were extremely sore. But at least he was awake and moving, so carrying Sam didn't seem like a problem to him.

Summoning up all his strength and relying on the huge amount of adrenaline in his veins, he slouched down to move Sam and hauled him up and over his shoulder.

Standing up proved to be another matter altogether and when he was finally upright, the whole world started to spin on its axis. Swallowing down the bile in his throat, Dean concentrated on putting one foot in front of another, and as it was expected from someone like Dean Winchester, he was actually thankful for the pain that was radiating from his mid-section. The pain kept him grounded and distracted him from the dizziness and nausea that would, otherwise, bring him to his knees.

He knew perfectly well that carrying Sam in that way would probably be disastrous to his own condition, but no matter what Sam thought of him, he wouldn't leave Sam there, not even for a few hours that it'd take him to go and get help.

He didn't care what Sam said, he'd do it because that was the right thing to do; because he'd done so his whole life and if Sam wanted to accuse him of being selfish; well, then so be it.

He had given up on correcting his brother and he was tired of proving himself. His whole life he'd tried to prove himself to different people; first it was to his mother; when his Dad wasn't around and he didn't want to see his mother sad, he'd act like a grown up as much as he could to make her smile again and he'd always wanted to prove to her that he was there for her and that she wasn't alone. Then his mother was gone and he had to prove himself to his father for a totally different reason and that was something that never ended. Even after his death, John Winchester had that power over him.

And then there was Sam.

And in his thirties, he was finally done with proving himself. He didn't give a rat's ass what Sam or everybody else thought anymore and it kinda surprised him. He'd been hurt by Sam's words, but he expected for them to cut deeper; he expected to feel hurt longer; but the truth was that he was suddenly indifferent to the whole situation and something told him that the Mark of Cain on his arm had something to do with those little facts.

So, he shrugged nonchalantly and thought with himself that if the whole world thought that what he'd done for Sam and everyone else had been merely for selfish reasons, then he couldn't do anything about it. He'd keep doing what he thought was right. He'd save Sam at any cost to his own health and safety and he'd do anything to save the world and the innocents. Because that was the right thing to do and he simply cared too much.

Those thoughts kept him on his feet and pushed him towards his car and he was so focused on them that he didn't even notice when Sam started to stir or slightly move on his shoulders.

"Dean?" Sam's voice was hoarse and he sounded far away, even to his own ears. He was confused as to why he was moving and why his leg was hurting like crazy.

Moving slightly, he blinked his eyes and tried to remember what had happened.

Everything was blurry in his mind; everything except one thing which was clear as day and that was the fact that no one but Dean could be carrying him at that moment. And that wasn't because he knew what Dean was wearing, because in his current position, it was a little bit hard to recognize the clothes on whoever that was carrying him. No, it was more the gentleness of his helper. The way the man had his arms around him shouted caring and concern and he knew no one in the world who'd care about him the way Dean did and that knowledge warmed him once again.

"Dean? Hey." he tried louder and that finally caught Dean's attention.

The older man paused momentarily before resuming his pace. "Hey, you with me?"

Man, Dean sounded awful. And Sam was pretty sure he would've heard Dean calling him a _princess_ or _sleepy-head_ or a bunch of other names, had it been a while back. A while back, before he'd cut the older man's heart with his sharp words. The pain was keeping Sam's mind in a fair place and he sighed inwardly when he remembered his own words.

"I guess so. What's going on? Put me down." he replied.

"Your left leg is broken. You need hospital and you can't walk on that leg." Dean replied matter of factly, his voice laced with pain and exhaustion.

"I can try. You sound awful. You can't be doing much better." Sam tried to reason.

"I can walk and we're almost there. Just hang on a bit longer. I can see the car."

_He could see the car?_ That meant Dean had been carrying him for at least a couple of hours now, if not longer with how slow Dean was progressing.

"Dean." Sam called, sounding much stronger. "You should've woken me up. Why did you carry me?"

"Your leg is broken." Dean repeated his earlier statement and it almost sounded like Dean's head wasn't even there; like he was on autopilot and that kinda worried Sam.

"I'm too heavy for you to carry me in this condition. You must be hurt." Sam really would've pushed himself down if he didn't think it'd do more harm than good.

Dean was silent for a long time and when he finally reached the car and lowered Sam to the ground, he sounded so far away and desolated that it scared Sam.

"He ain't heavy."

"What?" Sam frowned and leaned against Dean as he helped him in the passenger seat.

"_You_ ain't heavy, you're-" Dean left his sentence unfinished and then quietly added, "Even though-" and then the rest of his sentence faded away as he closed the door to Sam's side and Sam just saw his lips move. But he didn't need to hear those words to know what Dean was saying and the impact of those words sent a cold shiver down his spine and shook him to the core.

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**... TBC ...**

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_**A/N: I'd love to know what you think.**_

**All mistakes are mine.**

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	2. Chapter 2

Sam didn't realize that he'd fallen asleep again, but when he opened his eyes, he had a bunch of medical staff around him, discussing the best way to set his leg.

"Dean." he pushed himself upward but was stopped when a distracted nurse pushed him back down and only glared at him before turning her head back towards the doctor who was studying his X-Rays.

"Good to finally have you awake. Can you tell me how bad your pain is, Mr. Andrews?"

Sam blinked a few times at him before he realized that he was being addressed.

"Dean?" he asked again and mentally scorned himself for how adequate he sounded.

"Dean? That's not your name." another nurse looked at his chart.

"No. No." Sam took a deep breath and brought his mind back to the present. "I'm Sam. But I wanna know where Dean is and how he is." he turned his head back towards the doctor and answered his earlier question, "Not too bad. Just my left leg throbs and it's like a 5 or 6."

The doctor nodded. "You have a mild concussion; nothing too serious, you need rest and monitoring, though. But first, we should set your broken leg. You might feel a slight pain, but we're giving you morphine, so you won't feel much."

_'Now, that's a lie and we both know it.' _Sam wanted to mention it out loud but was unable to do so as suddenly everybody in the room was on his leg and a hot white pain ran up his leg and then there was nothing.

...

"Will somebody tell me where my brother is?" Sam asked when he later woke up in his own room and he was so frustrated that he didn't even notice it was the first time he'd referred to Dean as his brother.

"Your brother?" the nurse turned around and looked at him with confusion. "We asked you if there was anyone we could call for you and you said no."

Sam was lost. "Well, that's because there is no one."

"Then who's this brother you're asking for?" she sounded concerned and suddenly she was shoving light into his eyes, checking his pupils.

It took Sam a few seconds to realize the thing about his _brother_ and the confusion that his question had raised. _'Oh, crap. Just what has Dean told them when he'd checked me in earlier?' _He thought with himself.

"Dean?" Sam asked tentatively.

"Dean?" The nurse turned the penlight away. "You mean Dean Adams? The cute guy who brought you in? He's your brother? He didn't say so." she frowned. "Or at least nobody has informed _me_ if he has. I mean I just met him briefly before I had to get back to my ward and later nobody told me anything about it."

OK. Great. What was he supposed to say now? And why on earth had Dean used an ID with a different last-name for himself?

_'Because you told him you didn't want to be brothers anymore, you moron.'_ a voice told him in his head and he had to physically shake his head in order to get rid of that thought and the cold feeling that it'd brought with it.

"I... Umm... Would you just tell me why he hasn't been by yet? Has he left already?" Sam was reluctant to admit to himself that he was a bit scared that Dean might've dropped him off there and left.

"I really don't know." the nurse said sympathetically. "But tell you what. You rest here and I'll go ask the nurses in the ER. OK?"

Well, that was at least something, so Sam nodded his head and let the nurse go.

Being alone in the room caused different thoughts and feelings to rush through his head again and this time he had no way to distract himself. Those thoughts just wouldn't leave him alone. The thought of Dean leaving him there. The thought of Dean getting hurt in the fight with that monster and yet carrying him the long way back to the car... The thought of Dean not telling the staff that they were brothers; the thoughts of his words having such a massive impact on Dean... The thought of Dean's last word... _'You ain't heavy, even though...'_

Damn. He hadn't felt like such a giant ass in a long time and the need to talk to Dean was so strong that it was almost taking his breath away.

_Where was Dean?_ Where was the man who'd practically raised him and had given him everything that he could get his hands on in order to make sure Sam had a better life. The man who'd pushed him forward when he was desperate; the man who'd pulled his weight around when he was unable to move... The man who'd sacrificed his everything for him... The man who'd been his brother, his best friend, his father, his mother, his... Everything, throughout his whole life, until the day that he decided he wanted to be on his own and even after that... The man whom he'd pushed away more than once... The man who'd always stood by his side, no matter how big his mistakes had been... The man who'd always forgiven him after his betrayals... The man who'd also always counted on him even though he hadn't been there all the time... The man whom _he _had called selfish... The man whom he'd broken and had felt good about it... The man who'd finally given up on him and their relationship... The man...

Where was his _brother_?

A tear rolled down Sam's face and if anyone asked him, he'd blame it on the heavy drug in his system, but nobody was there to ask him about it and deep down he wasn't about to lie to himself anymore.

"Sam?"

His eyes flew open at the nurse's voice.

"Are you in pain?"

Swallowing hard, Sam shook his head. "I'm drugged to the gills."

The nurse smiled knowingly, realizing that the man before her must be fighting his inner demons.

"I asked around about your... Umm, brother? Dean?"

Sam held his breath and prepared himself to hear that he'd left after dropping him off at the hospital.

"He's... Umm... He's currently in the ICU."

It took Sam more than a few seconds to absorb that new piece of information. That was the last thing he'd expected to hear... I mean, sure, Dean didn't sound good last time they had talked, but for him to be so bad to end up in the ICU? "What?"

"His doctor will stop by shortly to fill you in. But I just know that he'd collapsed in the waiting room when he'd been filling in your medical forms. They had to rush him to the OR."

"What's... How's-" Sam couldn't talk. Man, he hated being drugged, because come on, he was way past that phase when he'd choke up over some news like that. He wasn't a kid anymore and he sure wasn't secretly a softie like Dean was when it came to family. He wasn't supposed to feel lightheaded in a situation like this. He'd been through worse without batting an eye. What the hell were they pumping in his veins?

"Like I said, his doctor will stop by shortly. But do you need me to get you anything? Maybe you should rest." the nurse suggested.

"I'm fine." Sam forced out. Dammit, he just had a broken leg and a mild concussion; they didn't need to act like he was going to drop dead at any moment. He wasn't the one in the damn ICU.

Dean's doctor's '_shortly_' turned to be one hour and thirty two minutes which meant Sam was on the verge of leaving his bed and going out for some answers and apparently it was clear on his face because the first thing the doctor did was apologizing for keeping Sam waiting and explaining that something unexpected had come up. '_Not with Dean.'_ he'd reassured quickly.

"I'm Dr. Forest, by the way and I know you've already waited too long, so I'll get to the point."

Sam merely nodded and pushed himself forward as if he was clinging to the doctor's words.

"So I've been informed that Mr. Adams is your brother?"

Sam sighed. "We share the same mother." What else was he supposed to say?

"Well, your brother is in a rough condition but he's hanging in there. When he first came in, he was on his own feet which is nothing short of a miracle considering the amount of pain he must've been in. And he was in pain, because there was nothing in his system to block it."

Sam wanted to roll his eyes and tell the older man that Dean had a pretty high pain threshold, but he fought against it and let the doctor continue.

"Once he collapsed and our ER doctor attended to him, he found out that Dean was in immediate danger of respiratory failure, so he intubated him right there before sending him to the radiology and that's when I was informed about his condition and then we took him to the OR. "

"Would you just please tell me what's wrong with him? We can get back to the steps after I know how he's doing." Sam growled impatiently.

"Right. Of course." The old doctor sighed. "Well, I won't beat around the bush anymore. Here's the list of your brother's injuries. He had three cracked ribs, 2 broken, one of which almost punctured his lung. The pressure on his lungs and heart is still too much so he's still on the ventilator and his heart condition is being monitored constantly, but rest assured that it's improving surprisingly well. Other than that he has a moderate concussion, a broken left collar bone; two broken fingers on his right hand and torn muscles on his right forearm-"

"Wait, wait." Sam's eyes were rounded. "His shoulder is broken?"

"Well, not the shoulder blade, but yeah, close enough." Dr. Forest nodded.

Sam paled. Dean had carried him on his shoulder. On his broken shoulder, with his torn muscles and broken ribs and broken fingers and... Oh man, he so was going to get sick. And that he did.

Next thing he knew he was throwing up in a basin which was being held in front of his mouth by his nurse.

"Take a deep breath. It's just the concussion and probably the drug in your system." she said soothingly.

"And the shock, probably." The doctor handed him a glass of water. "You need me to stop? You wanted the whole truth."

Sam shook his head. "No... No... It's just that... He carried my weight over his shoulder when I was unconscious."

The identical look of shock on the faces of his present company would've been comical if Sam was in any shape to notice it.

"That'd explain the strain on his muscles and the moved broken bone."

Sam took a deep breath and willed his nerve to calm down. "Is that it?"

"I'm afraid not."

"There's more?" Sam looked up sharply.

"Renal bleeding. That's the thing that has us all worried and unfortunately, unlike the condition of his heart, it doesn't seem to be improving. The problem is that his left kidney is bruised and even though we took care of the small tear in the OR, it's still not improving and even his other kidney is not working properly."

Sam blinked in shock. "Are you... Are you telling me that... That he's having kidney failure?"

"That's basically it." The doctor nodded solemnly. "We're trying to figure out why it's happening, but so far we haven't found anything."

"But it's impossible. Dean is healthy. Well, he was healthy before this whole incident. Why would his kidneys stop working?"

"Does anyone in your family have a history of kidney failure or any other type of disease?" Forest asked.

Shaking his head, Sam jogged his memory. "No. Not that I know of, and I'm pretty sure of what I'm saying."

"Don't worry, young man. We're trying our best and hopefully we can help your brother. He's on dialysis right now to help his kidneys recover without any added strain."

"What about his arm and shoulder?"

"The torn muscles in his arm and the broken bones are all taken care of. With some physical therapy he should get the full function back. Although most probably it'll be a painful road since the added pressure to his broken collar bone and torn muscles has deteriorated his condition. But I'm positive he's a resilient young man and will come out of this ordeal fairly well."

'Y_eah, I'd have agreed with you two years ago. This new Dean? I'm not so sure about.'_ Sam looked away sadly. _'What if his brother hadn't just given up on family and their relationship? What if his words back at the bunker had made Dean giving up altogether?'_

"Can I see him? Is he awake?" he looked back at the doctor.

"He'll be released tomorrow." The nurse informed the doctor of Sam's condition.

"Well, you can come and see him, then. Not sooner. He's not unconscious, but we're keeping him sedated until we wean him off the ventilator and I think it's safe to say that tomorrow, by the time you're released, he'd be off the machine and the sedative and can have a visitor."

"Can I _stay_ with him?" Sam tried his chance.

"We'll talk about that tomorrow." The doctor smiled. "Now, if you don't need me, I have other patients to look after."

"Thanks." Sam said and nodded as the doctor left him with his thoughts.

Great. Things were just getting better and better. Soon, his guilt would eat him alive and he wouldn't be able to ever look Dean in the eyes again.

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**... TBC ...**

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_**A/N: Share your thoughts with me?  
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_**Lots of Dean in the next chapter. Promise!**_

_**Thank you so much for all the reviews, faves and alerts. They mean so much to me.**_

**All mistakes are mine.**

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	3. Chapter 3

True to Doctor Forest's word, by the time Sam was discharged, they'd weaned Dean off the ventilator and he was even out of the ICU and placed in a room in the Dialysis Unit.

After some talks with Dean's doctor, Sam was given the permission to stay with Dean as long as he wanted to and so they'd moved a cot into Dean's room for Sam to make sure he had a chance to rest properly, as well.

When Sam entered Dean's room, the older hunter was sleeping, even though it didn't look like a restful sleep; and there were dark circles under his eyes. A nasal cannula was under his nose and so many IVs and wires were attached to his body that Sam didn't bother to follow them to different machines or IV bags.

Dean was in a semi-sitting position to take some pressure off of his healing shoulder which was in a sling and his right arm was heavily bandaged.

Other than that, there was no sign to show why Dean's condition was still listed as serious.

It was still the kidneys that were causing problems and although Dean wasn't hooked to the machine at that moment, the dialysis machine was sitting in the corner of the room for the later sessions.

The first signs of Dean coming around were the lines of pain that appeared around his eyes and mouth and Sam pushed himself forward on the chair to be closer to him.

Dean blinked his eyes open and it took him a couple of minutes before he was finally able to focus on his surroundings.

"Hey." he said hoarsely when his eyes landed on Sam and moments later they went to his elevated left leg which was in a white cast. "How's the leg?"

Rolling his eyes, Sam shook his head. "Better than your collarbone, I'm sure."

Dean frowned before he got what Sam was saying. "It's fine."

"Yeah? Well, I'm sure it'd have been better if you've waited for me to wake up on my own, instead of pulling my weight around in the woods."

"Didn't know how bad you were off. You wouldn't wake up." Dean said before shifting on the bed and wincing when his muscles pulled.

"Thanks." Sam said, sincerely and quietly, and with a pang he realized he couldn't remember the last time that he'd thanked Dean for anything at all; from a cup of coffee, to saving his life.

Dean seemed to be thinking about the same thing, because his eyebrows rose and he was, very disturbingly, surprised at hearing that one simple word.

Sam felt his heart clenched in his chest at the thought of how distant they had become recently and desperately wished there was something he could do to go back to the days when their biggest concern was to find the Yellow-Eyed Demon. Man, that felt like another lifetime, which, well, with the life they'd had, wasn't far from the truth.

"So? When will you be released?" Dean asked once he was able to hide his surprise.

"I was discharged this morning." Sam said proudly.

Dean's eyebrows went up again. "Then what are you doing here?"

It was an innocent, honest question, but it pulled at Sam's heart so hard that Sam was sure he'd paled a little. "Where am I supposed to go?"

Dean looked down at Sam's broken leg and nodded. "Hmm. Yeah, you have a point."

Sam realized that Dean was probably thinking that he was there because he couldn't get around with a broken leg. "I'd still be here even if my leg was not broken." he decided to clarify, because seriously, enough was enough. Dean had to see he cared.

Dean look up and tilted his head. A second later, he looked up at the ceiling, down at his arm, and then around the room, all along the look of doubt remained in his eyes.

"What are you looking for?" Sam asked worriedly since that was, in no way, the reaction he'd expected from Dean.

Dean's gaze turned back to Sam and he just stared at him, like he wasn't sure Sam was real. With a sinking feeling, Sam realized that it was probably the case for real. Dean was concussed and he clearly wasn't firing on all cylinders; he must've thought that he was still dreaming if Sam was there for him and wasn't willing to leave.

"Dean?"

"Hmm?"

"You... You do know that I... That... Well..."

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

Dean shook his head. "Nothing." He then blinked like he'd just woken up.

The sadness in Dean's voice broke the dam for Sam. "I'd be here for you, Dean. I'd... You know what? Thank you for saving me back in the woods and thanks for hauling my ass back to the car. Thanks for-" No, he couldn't bring himself to thank Dean for saving his life before this incident, not just yet... But he thought that someday he might be able to do that, too.

"You alright?" Dean asked with concern. "I remember they told me about you being concussed."

"Dammit, Dean. This is not the concussion talking." Sam's shoulder slumped. "I know I said I didn't want for us to be... Well, you know what I said... But I realized that I didn't mean it. Not that way. It's just that you lied to me and I was hurt... I still _am_ hurt; but the point is I wanted you to feel my pain."

"Yeah, because I've led a pain-free life." Dean snorted. "And it's just like _you_ to forget your own lies to me. You've lied many times, Sam; you did things that I can't even think about and then you acted like they were nothing important and that I had no right to be mad or even upset. You acted like I had to forget and forgive, just because you said so. I know I made a mistake, but at least I didn't _betray_ you. I didn't sell you for..." Dean stopped there and clenched his jaw. He knew he'd got the message across and now he was even more exhausted.

Sam was shocked, _and angry_, but mostly shocked and he couldn't decide who he was madder at; Dean or himself.

He was about to growl _'I haven't forgotten my mistakes';_ except if he was honest with himself, he kinda had. Not that he'd forgotten how bad he'd screwed up in the past; he just had forgotten how bad he'd hurt Dean with those mistakes and lies. And Dean was right, he'd turned his back on his brother for a demon and now he couldn't even forgive Dean for trying to save his life; for caring too much, for being blinded by concern and worry.

Annoyingly, before he could say anything, Dean's feature turned to that of indifference again and his voice was suddenly cold and distant. "You should go. Go see if you can find anything on Gadreel or Abaddon or hell even Crowley."

Sam wanted to bang his head against the wall. Why couldn't he tell Dean what he meant and why couldn't Dean just get the meaning behind his words like he used to?

"Not going anywhere." Sam said firmly and leaned back in his chair. "Not before you get out of here, too."

Dean narrowed his eyes but didn't comment on Sam's words.

"Did you get rid of it?" Sam decided to change the subject for a little while until they were both ready to talk about their issues again.

"Huh?"

"The thing in the woods... Umm... The-"

"Grendel? Yeah. It's dead."

Sam cringed at that name. "I still don't think that could be Grendel. I mean... Come on, how's that possible?"

Dean shrugged with his good shoulder. "That's what I was trying to tell you before the hunt. You were the one who insisted it was actually Grendel."

"Yeah, well, you are the one who's met Cain."

"So?"

"So? So, Grendel is supposedly Cain's descendent."

"What's your point? Just because Cain is real and here, doesn't mean a legend about his descendent should be real, too. A descendent that shouldn't have been here in the _States_ even if it _were_ real; and let's not forget that according to the legends it's supposed to be already slayed." Dean reasoned, sounding a bit stronger and less breathless.

"That could mean two things." Sam said thoughtfully. "Either Beowulf never existed;"

"Or he never did what people say he did." Dean grinned.

Sam grinned back.

"Wait." Dean's eyes widened with a childish joy that Sam hadn't seen in a long time. "I killed that thing; that makes me Beowulf and I've already killed a dragon, too."

Sam chuckled. "Well, that could also mean that you gotta kill its mother, as well when she comes out for revenge."

Dean wrinkled his nose. "Damn. We didn't look for its lair."

"Not that we could if we wanted to." Sam pointed out.

"Still. Whatever that thing was-"

"Grendel." Sam interjected.

"Make up your mind." Dean rolled his eyes. "Whatever it was, Grendel or not, there could be more of it. We need to look."

"And how exactly do you suggest we do that?" Sam looked pointedly at his broken leg and then at Dean who was bedridden.

Dean sighed and sank into the pillows, shaking his head in defeat.

"I'll look more into it while I wait here for you to get your ass out of that bed, alright?" Sam tried to sound helpful.

"You don't have to stay, Sam." Dean went back to the subject that was bothering him. He didn't want for Sam to feel obligated to stay with him.

Sadness filled Sam's eyes; he wasn't quite ready yet or he'd have told Dean that he wanted to take his words back about not wanting to be brothers anymore; he would've said that he didn't want to lose Dean; that during the hours that he's spent waiting to be released, he'd been thinking about Kevin and his parting words and that he didn't want to live in the bunker, _or anywhere else, for that matter,_ without Dean.

But, well, he was still his stubborn self and a bit hurt over the last few months, so he ignored what Dean had just said and picked another topic to talk about. "We gotta find a better specialist for you."

Dean was hooked, despite wanting to address their issue. "Huh? Specialist?"

"For your kidneys. Here, they don't know what's wrong with them."

Dean suddenly averted his gaze. "Leave it. It'll be fine."

"No. I'm not gonna leave it. They can't even say what's wrong with you, Dean; except the fact that your kidneys are failing. Maybe it's a reaction to a drug they're giving you, maybe-"

"Sam." Dean interrupted him. "It's not that. Leave it."

It took Sam a few long seconds to realize that Dean knew more than he was letting on. Frowning with anger, he demanded some answers. "How long have you known? What the hell is wrong with your kidneys anyway?"

Rolling his eyes at Sam's tone, Dean answered calmly. "It's probably just another side effect of that Mark on my arm. There's nothing these poor doctors can do."

"What?" Sam almost exploded. "What then? You're going to leave it alone?"

"Hmm. Yeah. Pretty much."

"And die?"

"Melodramatic so much?" Dean snorted bitterly. "There's nothing I, or anyone else, can do about it. They'll eventually come to the same conclusion and let me go with some new meds."

"Some new..." Sam was speechless. "Just how long have you know about it?"

"A couple of months." Dean replied nonchalantly.

"And when were you going to tell me about it?"

"Let me see... Never." Dean's voice was hard.

"What the hell?" This time Sam did explode. "Why would you-"

"Sam, shut up." Dean growled angrily. "You have no right to get mad over something like this. First of all, _you_ hid your problems from me when you were going through those trials, and second of all, why would I tell you? You are the one who severed all family ties between us. I'm not gonna walk around and tell random strangers or my business partners that I might die of acute kidney failure."

That stung. It stung way more than Sam was willing to admit and realizing that he couldn't be in the same room with Dean, he pushed himself up on his crutches and left the room as fast as his broken leg would let him.

.

Some hours later, when he was finally calm enough to act like a normal human-being around his brother, he came back to Dean's room to find him fast asleep.

Sitting down quietly, he contemplated on ways of approaching their biggest issue; them actually being brothers.

"Aren't the visiting hours over?" Dean's tired voice made him jump in his seat.

Shaking his head mentally, Sam sighed. "That doesn't apply to me."

"And why not?" Dean opened his eyes and looked at him wearily.

"Well, because I told them I'm your brother and I wouldn't stay away while you're here." Sam replied honestly. "Had to tell them we had different fathers, though. Thanks to you for showing them different IDs."

Dean didn't even bother to give reasons for his action, thinking Sam was trying to goad him into another fight and truth to be told, he was too spent to fight and didn't even care anymore. So he just turned his head towards the ceiling and closed his eyes again.

"I meant what I said earlier, Dean." Sam sighed when he realized that Dean wasn't going to talk back. "I do want us to be brothers and... Well, OK, I'm still having a difficult time trying to understand why you did what you did, but I'm sorry I called you selfish. I know you didn't do it for yourself. I know you weren't _thinking_ about yourself. You never think about yourself. I doubt you even know how to do that and... And you scared me so much this time that I finally realized how much I don't want to lose you."

Dean was quiet, studying Sam like he was expecting him to disappear any moment; like all the things he was saying were just wishful thinking on his part.

"I know you don't believe me right now and I know our issues are too big to be addressed at once, I just..." He inhaled deeply. "Don't push me away, OK? I know lately it's been me pushing you away and I know I've lied to you before and you've always let me back... I- I'm sorry I reacted the way I did."

Dean wanted it to be real, he wanted it so bad that he almost smiled and told Sam that nothing mattered as long as they had each other's back. But something at the back of his mind stopped him and told him that it could all be a trick. A voice at the back of his mind reminded him of the things Sam had said in the past few months and Dean wasn't really ready to let his guard down.

It wasn't that he couldn't forgive Sam; no. He hadn't even blamed Sam in the first place, not this time, not for the mess they were in at that moment. The only one he blamed was himself.

It was just that he didn't want to openly show how much he cared, anymore; because over the years, Sam had been the only one Dean had let inside, and surprisingly, he was the one who'd hurt Dean the most with his words. And Dean had so much on his plate that he didn't think he could take another blow from his brother. So he just shrugged mentally and sighed.

"I'm just sorry." Sam repeated.

"Me too." Dean said, sotto voce.

"Thanks."

"Welcome." Dean smiled wanly; somehow he knew what Sam was thanking him for.

And Sam knew things weren't fixed between them, because the look in Dean's eyes hadn't really changed, but he also knew how forgiving and self-sacrificing his brother was and he hoped they could once again get over their issues. One could hope, right?

If only Dean would see him as a grown up and if only he could stop taking Dean for granted and appreciate the most precious thing in his life which was his brother... If only the world would let them be brothers again. If only they could take a break.

First, he had to make Dean see he was really there for more than their job and then he'd think about the next step. Because he was man enough to admit to himself that a simple '_sorry'_ wouldn't make up for the things he'd done during the past few years and the things he'd said during the past few months.

They had a long way ahead of them, especially with Dean's health deteriorating. He just hoped he would be given enough time to tread that path with his brother by his side.

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**... The END ...**

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**A/N: Let me know what you think. I stopped here because I didn't want to magically fix things! If you know what I mean.  
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****The part about Grendel was just for fun! The thing is ever since we saw Cain on the show, I kept wondering about Grendel and Dean killing it! (I'd really love to see that! haha)  
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**Thanks for all the reviews, faves and alerts. Hope you've enjoyed this last chapter, too. :)**

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**All mistakes are mine.**

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